Finding Grace in the Midst of Mom Guilt

Dear Tired/Frustrated/Trying Your Best/Insert Adjective Here Fellow Mamas,

In this seemingly never-ending journey of motherhood, it’s natural to experience moments of doubt, guilt, and overwhelm. The desire to give your best to your family, your husband, and your friends all while juggling homeschooling, financial stress, household responsibilities, and more – much much more – can sometimes leave you feeling like you’re falling short. Way, way short. Speaking for myself here.

Just when you feel like you’ve got a good grasp on one thing, it might feel like Satan is having a field day with this other thing. Oh, you caught up on laundry? Just kidding, your kid just threw up all over the bathroom with a surprise stomach bug and you used up all the towels just before the toilet overflowed because your toddler flushed too many aquabeads down the toilet. You thought those bills were paid and you were good to go? Psych, your transmission just blew and that’s going to cost you – but you forgot to replenish your savings the last time you had an ER visit for that time your son broke his wrist on the trampoline. Should I go on? It can sometimes feel like when it rains, it pours; but take heart, because the fact that I’m writing this means you are not alone.

For me at least, knowing that the things I go through are not unique to my situation is incredibly encouraging, if even just for a moment.

What even is MOM GUILT??

Mom guilt is a name given to the feelings of guilt and shame some feel when they don’t live up to their own or others’ expectations in their role as a mom. It’s like an internal dialogue that tells you you’re failing at this mom thing. And it’s complete nonsense. 

Don’t get me wrong. I feel it. Probably at least once a day. I’m working on it. I’m sure you are too, which is why you’re reading this and probably feeling defeated. The nonsense part is that I know for a fact that if you are actively seeking encouragement – if you’re trying to find a solution – if you’re acknowledging that you’re struggling.. dude.

You are absolutely not failing.

Let’s explore how to navigate the challenges and find grace in the midst of this so-called mom guilt.

Embrace Imperfection and Extend Grace To Yourself

Remember, mama, you are human. It’s essential to let go of the pursuit of perfection and instead embrace the beauty of imperfection. Understand that you won’t always have all the answers, and that’s okay. Offer yourself grace and forgiveness when things don’t go according to plan. Remember that your love and presence matter more than any perfectionist standards you may impose upon yourself. Did you yell more than you’re proud of today? I did. The day of this writing, I absolutely yelled at the kids for not listening to something I’d already repeated several times, and letmetellya – that is a pet peeve of mine. I cannot stand repeating myself! That is the easiest way to frustrate me to no end, and guess what – God gave me little humans that require me to repeat myself a gazillion times a day. God is teaching me more patience than I ever knew I needed! And I need more than one lesson. Sorry God. 

Prioritize and Simplify

When overwhelmed with multiple responsibilities, it’s crucial to prioritize and simplify. Seriously. Set realistic expectations and focus on what truly matters. I know those dishes need to get done eventually, but do you absolutely need it to get done right this second? Or is that the perfectionist in you that knows logically, if you do it now, it’ll be done! But you take a look at your to-do list and there are eight other things that require your attention now. In situations like this, as hard as it might be for your personality (speaking from experience) – leave the dishes. For now. They won’t implode from sitting in the sink for another hour. That visitor you’re trying to impress with the clean sink isn’t going to judge you for actually using your kitchen. And if they do, their thoughts have nothing to do with you.

Identify your top priorities, and let go of non-essential tasks or activities that drain your energy. Seek ways to simplify your homeschooling routine and household chores, leveraging resources and support systems available to you. Remember, it’s okay to ask for help when needed.

Have you taught your kids to do the dishes if they’re old enough to reach? Even if they don’t do it to your standards – let them get it done. Will your husband take over? In our home, household responsibilities are shared. We all live here after all. But if for some reason your share of the responsibilities are a struggle –

Ask.

For.

Help.

Prioritizing self-care is equally vital in nurturing yourself to be the best version of yourself for your family. Ain’t no shame in admitting that you are struggling, girl.

Also, realize that my priorities might be different than your priorities. Maybe a clean sink helps you focus and declutters your mind. If that’s the case, prioritize the dishes, and drop the laundry for today. Close that laundry room door until you’re ready. The point is for you to figure out what is important and what is truly not at the moment.

Lean on Your Faith

As a Christian mom, your faith can be (should be!) an anchor in the stormy seas of mom guilt. Turn to God in prayer, seeking His guidance, strength, and peace. Remind yourself of God’s unwavering love for you and your family. He put you here. Here. Right where you are at at this very second. Trust in His plan and timing, knowing that He is with you every step of the way. Find solace in scripture and surround yourself with a supportive community of fellow Christian moms who can uplift and encourage you. THIS IS VITAL. Don’t go through motherhood alone. Even if the only community you can find is an online one, embrace it! Motherhood is motherhood across the pond. Isn’t that incredible? We are all trying to do our best and God is amongst it all. 

Ok.

Let me wrap this up. Spoiler alert. You are doing an incredible job. Remember that you are fearfully and wonderfully made, and you have been entrusted with the incredible responsibility of raising your children. It’s up to us to nurture these little souls into bigger souls to then go out into the world and reach more souls! No pressure.

Embrace the moments of joy, celebrate your victories no matter how small they seem to you, and extend grace to yourself in times of struggle – as many times as you need to.

You are loved, valued, and cherished. Trust in God’s faithfulness as you navigate the balancing act of motherhood, knowing that He will equip and guide you through every season. You’re doing an amazing job navigating the beautiful chaos of motherhood. Some days you’ll nail it. I promise! And some days are going to feel like dumpster fires. You’ve got this though. Because you’ve got God on your side.

Remember, it’s the love, joy, and connection we share with our kids that leave a lasting impact, not the ability to live a Pinterest-life.

Oh. I forgot I wrote this in letter form.

Sincerely,

Raffy Lou 🙂

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